Nursing School

Here we are, semester three of nursing school. 

I wish I could say I was less stressed and finally figuring it out, but I'm not. I feel more confused than ever at this point. I'm totally rocking my OB class. I wasn't nervous about it at all. 

My adult med surg class is kicking my ass as well as my classmate's. I feel like I have it down and the test will be about something completely different. I knew when I started this that the instructors wouldn't all test the same. I knew they wouldn't be straight forward, but I never dreamed that it would be so far off in left field.

Thankfully not all is bad, we've had some really great weeks. We've lifted each other up through clinicals and cracked jokes throughout lectures. 

 

We spent Monday at a leadership/team building camp. We all thought we were going to kill each other. We ended up on a super great team and got things done. We worked together and prevailed on multiple challenges. I had a blast and I'm so glad we kept good attitudes.

 

OB clinicals were another high of the semester. I spent two days in labor and delivery and experience three births. It was amazing to cheer other women on when they brought a ray of sunshine into the world. I shed a few of my own tears for each family. I'm always in awe over births and women's strength. It's definitely hard to stay professional with the babies though. I would to cuddle and sniff each one of them. I managed to avoid it, but you all know babies are the best.

I've made the best friends and I have a year full of memories to review. Nursing school is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It hasn't been easy, but it has been extremely rewarding.

Innocence and Judgement

Four year olds are the greatest most pure people in the entire world. 

Recently I've been catching some flack from people about my parenting. B has been in the middle of every nit pick and that really breaks my heart. 

I was tossing around the idea of putting him into gymnastics. He has so much energy and I thought it was a wonderful way to waste it. I just knew he'd love to flip and attempt to balance on a beam. Not to mention those motor skills would one day come in handy. I mentioned this idea around a few family members and immediately got some really rude feedback. B and I both were told how sissy gymnastics was and how it was only for girls. Fast forward a week or so and we're heading to Disney. I allowed both boys to choose their own Mickey ear's shirt and B wanted Alice. 

  

Chance wasn't to thrilled and we tried to change B's mind. Sticking true to himself, he chose Alice. She is one of my personal favorites so I was rather tickeled. Once again, we caught a bunch of flack. Apparently Alice is just for girls and we should have made him choose something else.

It's sad, so very very sad. My four year old doesn't understand these ideas. People are attempting to change who he is and make him a judgemental person. I know that isn't their intentions but things rub off on a four year old. This is one of the only moments in his life that he can be himself without being teased. He isn't in highschool, he's surrounded by pre-schoolers that don't understand gender roles. He can play with babies and wear a dress without his peers making fun of him. I want to preserve that. 

When B started pre-school he chose a little girl to be his friend. They've been in school for a month and she is his only friend. They're stuck like glue and I'm so happy for them. I recently ran across a little bit of her story. She is a very poor little girl whose mother is in jail. She comes to school dirty and tattered quite often but my child looks past that. His brain isn't warped by societies 'rules' and social norms. He chose this little girl because he liked who she was. Not because she had the coolest toys or the newest fad in clothing. 

I love that about younger children. They're still so pure and able to developed their own opinions without pressure. They haven't been exposed to the horrors of judgement that we as adults are subjected to. I have all intentions to raise B without judgement and gender norms. If we want the world to be a better place we need to start with our children. Or maybe there isn't anywhere to start? Maybe we should back off and allow them to continue with their thoughts and feelings. Imagine how much better our world would be if people valued personalities and didn't see the material things. 

Military life decisions

It's so impossible to be happy while your heart is away. Chance and I have spent the last eight months living in separate places. It's been tough for us and the kids. I've personally shed a lot of tears and wanted to quit so many times. 

Here we are, eight months in, and we still haven't made our decision. In January we were so sure that Chance would be discharging after this year. it was the whole point for me moving and getting a leg up on school. 

Things have happened this year that have changed our minds. Our finances aren't where we really want them and we're super nervous about living with no income for a short period. Chance got served his hard copy orders this week and things got real. 10 months of school in San Diego... That would be 10 more months apart or me dropping school to move. Both of those ideas are terrifying. 

So here we are, still attempting to decide if we're continuing on with military life or saying goodbye. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make. There's been multiple instances where I thought we were making a tough decision. None of them compare to this one. No matter what we choose we know that life will have a rough point. We know that there are benefits to any choice as well. 

I'm worried on some many levels. I'm scared that financially hard times will put extra stress on our relationship. I'm worried that me quitting school will be the end of my education. I'm concerned with moving B's school. I'm worried about deployments and long days spent apart. 

We've given ourselves until Sunday to choose what's best for our family. I've made list after list hoping that something would flip a switch. I've prayed for a sign and begged that we didn't have to make this decision. Growing up sucks.  Adulting sucks. Life isn't getting any easier for us. These next couple days will be stressful, but we'll get through it. Somehow we always have. We're very blessed to even have so many great options. 

Wish us luck with our decision and check back for an update. 

Welcome to my blog

I thought about how I was going to lay out this first post for days. I wanted it to be perfect and enticing. Let's face it, that's so not me.

I'm Sami, mom of two energetic boys and wife of a loving man. The boys and I recently moved to Florida so I could pursue my nursing degree. I like to consider myself a simple person, but I'm far to complicated. I over think things, constantly worry, and forget myself quite often. I refuse to let all of this bring me down. This year I planned to take action and better myself. I want to take responsibility for my actions and be the first to stand up and try something. I want to be the glimmering star in the sea of darkness.

I've created this blog as an outlet for my feelings. A way to hold myself accountable and celebrate all things about me. I also intend to focus on my family and all our fun adventures. This next year is going to be very challenging for us and I'd love to share our journey with y'all.

    These are my boys, my family.

Chance is my hardworking husband. He is a sonar technician in the Navy and is currently stationed in Virginia. In December he will be discharging and heading home to us.

B is my oldest boy. He's a fun loving little guy who isn't afraid of anything. He keeps me on my toes and always surprises me.

Ryker is my little four eyes. He's a Mama's baby for sure. He's terrified of everything and always need cuddles.

My boys keep me very busy. If the little ones don't need me, the big one does. I love being the person they all come to with their problems. They don't know I need them as much as they need me.

I'm so excited to see this blog grow and I really hope y'all will follow along for our upcoming journey to civilian life.