Sunday, May 21, 2017

Bloglovin'

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Friday, May 12, 2017

The Hardest Part of Nursing School

Are the test hard? What's the hardest part?


These are questions I get asked nearly every week. My answer has most definitely changed through out this process. 

During my first semester I likely would have told you the test were the hardest part. If not the test I would have answered the style of questions.

At this point I've been through FOUR semesters of school. Each one has brought a different challenge for me. I've experienced clinical set backs, not so great attitudes and even failure.

If someone were to ask my today what the hardest part was I would reply with two separate answers. 

1. Seeing my fellow classmates not succeed to the next semester

2. Watching fellow classmates move on
  
These answers are very personal at this point. In the four semesters I've experienced, I've seen multiple classmates drop out. I've shed some tears for each one of them. Friendships happen so quickly in school and you never imagine not graduating with each and every smiling face that surrounds you. These people become your family in a short period of time. You're with them nearly every day and you can't avoid becoming personal with all of them. Small inside jokes leave you giggling for hours while others stare at you like you're crazy. Your teachers know you've become best friends and they do everything they can to help you branch out to and talk to your other classmates. 

And suddenly they're gone. Even with all your attempts to stay in touch, you barely speak. You're both so busy in life that you never see each other. It's a sad reality that comes along with school.

Not everyone will experience their classmates moving on. I'm not ashamed to admit that I failed. I gained a lot of knowledge from a second chance and I will carry it with me. The extreme downside is watching my friends advance. I'm elated for each and everyone of them, but I'm also a bit bitter. That could be me... I could be graduating in TWO months. I spent plenty of time shedding tears and beating myself up over my failure. Each and every time I see their post on social media I can't help but feel jealous. I want to be in their position so bad. 

I love them so much though. They all deserve this success and I couldn't be happier for them. It's a hectic battle raging inside of me. I will attend their pinning and cheer each one of them on until the very end. They're bright young women and will become the greatest nurses. They've all been so humble and caring on their journeys and I can't wait to see where life carries them.


If you're in Nursing school, remember that it's all about what you make of it. You have every right to have a rainbow of emotions weekly. You're life is a tough one and soon you'll be rewarded with an amazing feat. Keep striving and don't let anything dim your light. Your friends will always have your back.

 

Friday, April 21, 2017

My little four eyes


This four eyes babe is the absolute cutest. I get comments all the time about his glasses. People always want to know how we know and when he actually got them. Our story is rather interesting comparatively speaking. 

I had no clue that Bird even needed glasses. He wasn't exhibiting the normal signs of weak eye sight (headaches, blinking, rubbing his eyes, needing to be close up), but he was only 12 months at the time. We were at his yearly check up and the nurse brought in a device that was painted like a penguin. She shut the lights off and took a few photos of him. At this point I still had no clue what the device was or what they were doing. Shortly after the doctor came in with printed pictures of Bird's eyes. The device was designed to take up close pictures of the eye and assess for myopia and hyperopia (near and farsighted). The near sighted pictures were meant to have a gold color from the middle of the eye down and the far sighted pictures were meant to have gold on a vertical plane. Bird's near sighted pictures showed his entire eye as gold. I was in shock! I was extremely upset to find out Bird needed glasses. I didn't want my baby to need them his entire life and I never much cared for the look either. 

I thought the next process would be a quick one. We were given a list of child Opthamologist in the area that accepted our insurance. I called every single one and found out we wouldn't be getting in for another six months! How crazy is that!? Once we finally got into a Dr we found out that Bird was +7.50 in his right eye and +5.75 in his left eye. That's an extremely big deficit when it comes to vision. We quickly ordered his glasses and very impatiently waited for them to arrive. I can recall the day he put them on like it was yesterday. He was looking out the window of the vision center and said "Meme and Bubbie". I guess I never realized just how blind he really was. I didn't know that he couldn't see the sky until he began pointing out birds and planes. 

I'm use to his glasses now and I can't imagine his sweet face without them. Any time I see another toddler in glasses I can't help but smile. I realize that they too struggle with glasses and will probably need them for the rest of their lives. 

His glasses aren't fake or dress up. They're something he needs every day in order to see the beauty around him. Be kind to him and others with vision impairments. You never know when it might him close to home. 

Monday, April 17, 2017

Falling out of love




A good marriage isn't something you find; it's something you make... and you have to keep on making it. 

    -Gary Thomas 



Truer words have never been spoken. Too many our marriage looks perfect. Social media does a great job at cloaking the flaws in everything. Over the years I've learned to keep our issues close. I'd rather deal with things internally than lay it out for the world to see. 

This past year has been especially difficult on me. I am emotionally tattered and just plain exhausted. My attitude and the distance  has definitely taken a toll on us. 

There has been many times that I didn't feel 'in love'. I've felt void and empty on quite a few occasions and spent a few long drives to VA very unexcited.

 I'm no longer ashamed of these feelings. They're 100% normal and can be repaired. It's naive to think that an eternity can be spent without a few bad times.

The honeymoon phase will definitely come and go. Marriage is a delicate thing that takes nutrturing to stay strong. I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on our marriage and what I can do to make it the best it can be. 

#1 I've tried to stop tearing my husband down. He's only human and humans aren't perfect. We all make mistakes or lose touch with things at times.

#2  I  attempt to touch base with his feelings every day. Asking someone how they feel only takes a moment and can make them feel like gold. 

#3 I try to ask what I can do to make his day better every day. Most days he'll say nothing, but it's really the thought that counts.

#4 every day I try to say kind words to him and think of the things I really love about him. Reminding yourself why you married someone can create butterflies rather quickly.

#5 I vocalize what's bothering me. Internalizing things will only make the feelings grow. It's important to let someone know when you aren't feeling good in the current situation. 

I know these things seem rather small, but they really help to remind me how great my husband is. I couldn't be more happy in my marriage. I was lucky enough to find a man that's extremely understanding and faithful. He knows that my moods are temporary and that I need emotional reassurance often. 

You may always love someone, but you might not always be in love. Don't give up on your significant other just because the butterflies are gone. Nurture your love and think of all the positive aspects that are present in your life. Marriages can be saved if we give them the appropriate amount of time. 




Saturday, April 8, 2017

Why us?

Lately I've been stuck in a 'why us?' phase. Our entire life has been backwards. Generally you finish school, marry and have a family. We started with babies, then came our marriage, and now we're both tackling school. It makes for such an exhausting time.

I'm currently watching all my wonderful friends buy homes and have more kiddos while we're stuck in school. We live two hours apart, each with our own struggles. It's like we live two completely different lives and cross paths every other weekend.

We talk less than 30 minutes each day if we're lucky. There's never enough time to discuss the things that are really nagging at us. There's always some distraction that's keeping information from being relayed and retained.        

I know in two years we'll both be done with school and in a better place. But why us? Why are we stuck in miserable lives?

I look back on military life constantly. The thought of going back to it makes me feel a bit more happy. Can it really solve our problems though? Yes, we'll be together momentarily and we can continue to grow our family, but it will all be sour. A deployment will always be on the horizon. Our Daddy will always be absent for an extended amount of time.

I have this clouded vision of how it would be. For some odd reason I keep telling myself that I'd make friends to help me through it. I spent four years in VA and never made a 'best friend'. I couldn't get comfortable with anyone. I never really felt like wrangling my children at people's homes and conversations felt forced. Social awkwardness is my strong suit.

I can keep playing this all out in my head and hoping for an answer. I have yet to find one. I feel like such a sour person sometimes. I can't feel genuinely happy for someone without feeling sad for us. That could be us. I wish I had some catchy quote to make this a bit more upbeat, but I regret to admit that I don't. I'd love to give advice to other people having these feelings, but I have little to offer. I spend my days wrapped up in an internal argument, hoping that things will brighten sooner than planned. One day it will be us, I just hope that I can recall these feelings and be humble with onlookers.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Nursing School

Here we are, semester three of nursing school. 
I wish I could say I was less stressed and finally figuring it out, but I'm not. I feel more confused than ever at this point. I'm totally rocking my OB class. I wasn't nervous about it at all. 

My adult med surg class is kicking my ass as well as my classmate's. I feel like I have it down and the test will be about something completely different. I knew when I started this that the instructors wouldn't all test the same. I knew they wouldn't be straight forward, but I never dreamed that it would be so far off in left field.


Thankfully not all is bad, we've had some really great weeks. We've lifted each other up through clinicals and cracked jokes throughout lectures. 

 

We spent Monday at a leadership/team building camp. We all thought we were going to kill each other. We ended up on a super great team and got things done. We worked together and prevailed on multiple challenges. I had a blast and I'm so glad we kept good attitudes.

 

OB clinicals were another high of the semester. I spent two days in labor and delivery and experience three births. It was amazing to cheer other women on when they brought a ray of sunshine into the world. I shed a few of my own tears for each family. I'm always in awe over births and women's strength. It's definitely hard to stay professional with the babies though. I would to cuddle and sniff each one of them. I managed to avoid it, but you all know babies are the best.

I've made the best friends and I have a year full of memories to review. Nursing school is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It hasn't been easy, but it has been extremely rewarding.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Innocence and Judgement

Four year olds are the greatest most pure people in the entire world. 

Recently I've been catching some flack from people about my parenting. B has been in the middle of every nit pick and that really breaks my heart. 

I was tossing around the idea of putting him into gymnastics. He has so much energy and I thought it was a wonderful way to waste it. I just knew he'd love to flip and attempt to balance on a beam. Not to mention those motor skills would one day come in handy. I mentioned this idea around a few family members and immediately got some really rude feedback. B and I both were told how sissy gymnastics was and how it was only for girls. Fast forward a week or so and we're heading to Disney. I allowed both boys to choose their own Mickey ear's shirt and B wanted Alice. 

  

Chance wasn't to thrilled and we tried to change B's mind. Sticking true to himself, he chose Alice. She is one of my personal favorites so I was rather tickeled. Once again, we caught a bunch of flack. Apparently Alice is just for girls and we should have made him choose something else.

It's sad, so very very sad. My four year old doesn't understand these ideas. People are attempting to change who he is and make him a judgemental person. I know that isn't their intentions but things rub off on a four year old. This is one of the only moments in his life that he can be himself without being teased. He isn't in highschool, he's surrounded by pre-schoolers that don't understand gender roles. He can play with babies and wear a dress without his peers making fun of him. I want to preserve that. 

When B started pre-school he chose a little girl to be his friend. They've been in school for a month and she is his only friend. They're stuck like glue and I'm so happy for them. I recently ran across a little bit of her story. She is a very poor little girl whose mother is in jail. She comes to school dirty and tattered quite often but my child looks past that. His brain isn't warped by societies 'rules' and social norms. He chose this little girl because he liked who she was. Not because she had the coolest toys or the newest fad in clothing. 

I love that about younger children. They're still so pure and able to developed their own opinions without pressure. They haven't been exposed to the horrors of judgement that we as adults are subjected to. I have all intentions to raise B without judgement and gender norms. If we want the world to be a better place we need to start with our children. Or maybe there isn't anywhere to start? Maybe we should back off and allow them to continue with their thoughts and feelings. Imagine how much better our world would be if people valued personalities and didn't see the material things.