It's so impossible to be happy while your heart is away. Chance and I have spent the last eight months living in separate places. It's been tough for us and the kids. I've personally shed a lot of tears and wanted to quit so many times.
Here we are, eight months in, and we still haven't made our decision. In January we were so sure that Chance would be discharging after this year. it was the whole point for me moving and getting a leg up on school.
Things have happened this year that have changed our minds. Our finances aren't where we really want them and we're super nervous about living with no income for a short period. Chance got served his hard copy orders this week and things got real. 10 months of school in San Diego... That would be 10 more months apart or me dropping school to move. Both of those ideas are terrifying.
So here we are, still attempting to decide if we're continuing on with military life or saying goodbye. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make. There's been multiple instances where I thought we were making a tough decision. None of them compare to this one. No matter what we choose we know that life will have a rough point. We know that there are benefits to any choice as well.
I'm worried on some many levels. I'm scared that financially hard times will put extra stress on our relationship. I'm worried that me quitting school will be the end of my education. I'm concerned with moving B's school. I'm worried about deployments and long days spent apart.
We've given ourselves until Sunday to choose what's best for our family. I've made list after list hoping that something would flip a switch. I've prayed for a sign and begged that we didn't have to make this decision. Growing up sucks. Adulting sucks. Life isn't getting any easier for us. These next couple days will be stressful, but we'll get through it. Somehow we always have. We're very blessed to even have so many great options.
Wish us luck with our decision and check back for an update.